A Legal Agreement to Become One with Russia
by Cameron Kennedy
Summary: "This contract is to signify a union of one nation of the world with Russia, known by humans under the name of Ivan Braginski and legally known under the title of Russian Federation." Seriously, this CAN'T be good...


**Notes**: ...Yeah. My friend wanted this for a birthday present, and I... yeah... I went WAY the heck overboard. XD  
>The best part: IT'S PRINTER-FRIENDLY! :D (Just copy-paste the stuff beyond these notes... although I might recommend changing the font size.)<br>The worst part: It technically requires Russia's signature... T.T Sorry, but if it didn't, Belarus would sign one - plus ten back-up copies. ^^  
>Review when you're done signi- I mean, reading. Yep, reading is TOTALLY what I meant. :P<p>

**Edit 7 Aug 2012:** Holy CRAP you guys. Not only have cosplayers found this to be entertaining, but apparently people are _getting the voice actors to sign it!_  
>Proof: J. Michael Tatum (France) signing here on YouTube. watch?v=0ruaEbttVqQ&feature=plcp  
>Like... <em>holy crap! <em>You all rock. Seriously.

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><p><strong>A Lawful and International Legal Agreement to Become One with Russia<strong>

This contract is to signify a union of one nation of the world with Russia, known by humans under the name of Иван Брагинский (Ivan Braginski) and legally known under the title of Российская Федерация (Russian Federation), as formally recognized by the World Conference of Nations.  
>This document is classified as <em>File KOL-111215-1<em> by the general assembly of the World Conference.

**Article I.** This contract must be signed under the correct conditions as specified below or it is not considered valid and shall not be recognized by any international legal institute.  
><strong>1.<strong> It must contain the legitimate signatures of:  
><strong>i.<strong> Russia;  
><strong>ii.<strong> the nation wishing and willing to Become One;  
><strong>iii.<strong> a country of choice to witness the legal transaction.  
><strong>iv.<strong> Representatives of nationalities that have not been allowed to join the World Conference of Nations (thereby technically being principalities or ex-nations, etc) may also sign this agreement, either as a witness or as the entity that is Becoming One. Russia is not picky.  
><strong>2.<strong> Russia is explicitly not allowed to be intoxicated, medicated, or otherwise mentally impaired during the signing process. Failure to comply with this clause will result in the immediate dissolution of the agreement.  
><strong>3.<strong> This contract must then go through the following hands:  
><strong>i.<strong> it must be presented to the general assembly at the next World Meeting to be thoroughly cross-examined and proven genuine (the actual moral approval of the other nations is not required);  
><strong>ii.<strong> copies are to be made and stored in the appropriate files designated by the World Conference of Nations;  
><strong>iii.<strong> the original is then to be given to Russia for safe-keeping.

**Article II.** This contract requires that the following clauses be recognized legally.  
><strong>1.<strong> By signing, the parties involved understand that Russia asks and demands that:  
><strong>i.<strong> he is to be loyally followed and obeyed until death;  
><strong>ii.<strong> the right of free will has been formally given up so long as the contract is legally recognized;  
><strong>iii.<strong> under no circumstances are those involved allowed to plan, plot, or otherwise assist his general demise.  
><strong>2.<strong> This contract does not, in the eyes of the World Conference of Nations, politically benefit the country participating. The theoretical benefits of Becoming One include, but are not limited to:  
><strong>i.<strong> elevation in economic standing,  
><strong>ii.<strong> gain in land mass,  
><strong>iii.<strong> improvement in general world relations.  
><strong>3.<strong> This contract is not a valid substitute for marriage and will not be treated as such. (Yes, Belarus, this clause is directed specifically at you.) See _Article III_ for more explicit information.

**Article III.** This contract does not imply nor explicitly permit any sort of sexual relations between the two parties at any time during which this agreement is legally active.  
><strong>1.<strong> "Sexual Relations" includes but is not limited to:  
><strong>i.<strong> skin-to-skin contact that makes one or more nations feel significantly uncomfortable;  
><strong>ii.<strong> mouth-to-skin or mouth-to-mouth contact;  
><strong>iii.<strong> the general removing of clothing;  
><strong>iv.<strong> the touching, poking, prodding, invading, or general molestation of a nation's vital regions.  
><strong>2.<strong> Any violations of this clause on part of the nations involved can and will be considered illegitimate by terms of this contract, thereby breaking all civil ties between the parties involved and initiating the details of _Article IV.2_ below.  
><strong>i.<strong> Violation of this particular clause may, however, be granted exception in cases of extreme medical emergency, such as instances when CPR must be performed.  
><strong>3.<strong> For instances in which alteration of this article may be necessary, and in instances agreed upon by all parties involved before the signing of this contract, this particular article may be altered with the proper arrangement, attachment, and signing of the document _File KOL-111215-2_, as filed by the World Conference of Nations.

**Article IV.** The breaking of the regulations stated in this contract and the situations in which this contract may be disbanded are detailed below.  
><strong>1.<strong> This agreement may be dissolved without consequence in the following situations:  
><strong>i.<strong> death of one or more parties involved;  
><strong>ii.<strong> Russia no longer wants to Be One for political or personal reasons.  
><strong>2.<strong> If any of the specific rules of _Article II_ and _Article III_ are broken, a punishment may be administered at Russia's discretion. This includes but is certainly not limited to:  
><strong>i.<strong> death by lead faucet pipe;  
><strong>ii.<strong> death by Русская мафия (Russian Mafia);  
><strong>iii.<strong> death by Siberian winter.  
><strong>iv.<strong> Russia also has the license of imagination, and other sentences may be dealt to the offending nation in place of the examples above, depending on how creative or merciful he is feeling at that particular moment in time.

**BY SIGNING IN THE SPACE PROVIDED BELOW, I AM VERIFYING THAT I HAVE READ ALL THE TERMS OF AGREEMENT ABOVE AND UNDERSTAND THE FULL ****CONSEQUENCES OF BECOMING ONE WITH RUSSIA. I UNDERSTAND THAT, ONCE I CONCUR WITH THIS CONTRACT, I WILL NOT HAVE THE CHANCE TO CHANGE MY MIND—ONCE I HAVE BECOME ONE WITH RUSSIA, I WILL ALWAYS BE ONE WITH RUSSIA. **

**Russia****: **

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><p>- - - - - - - - - - (Signature) - - - - - - - - - - (Printed Name) - - - - - - - - - - (Confirmed Date)<p>

**Nation****: **

* * *

><p>- - - - - - - - - - (Signature) - - - - - - - - - - (Printed Name) - - - - - - - - - - (Confirmed Date)<p>

**Witness****:**

* * *

><p>- - - - - - - - - - (Signature) - - - - - - - - - - (Printed Name) - - - - - - - - - - (Confirmed Date)<p> 


End file.
